 The year was 2001 and it was coming up to Trinity Sunday. A Pharisaios Blog was already in existence publishing deep theological reflections on hemorrhoids and other sundry ecclesiastical topics; there had been a flurry of idea exchanges between the two Pharisaios editors, rumours of rumours, and dreams about a proper website. A second Blog then appeared with new chapters from the Curates in Space saga. (A bold tale of clergy on an intergalactic mission that was told in three audio cassettes and a printed, serialized fourth book) And then, in a flash of lurid green, on the day of the feast itself, the Pharisaios Weekly was born.
Announcing itself as a website with “enough room to swing a small archdeacon” it used the Freeservers (United Online Web Services Inc.) free hosting service, expressed itself in a single style font (also green) and was limited to four pages. On page one was the image of a sanctuary lamp (see right), brief comments about future content, a spoof classified advertisement column – and a brief editorial. Inside its pages was the first Pharisaios Chorus, “Sacristy!” a Links and Lace page, a satirical column lampooning Forward in Faith, and the brief sketch “Trappist for Beginners.”
Oh – it also had a total readership of three!
On this our totally self-indulgent ninth birthday we wish to thank everyone who has helped us to grow – grow out if not up!
Watch and Pray!
Sacristy, enter my sacristy,
See my cotta hanging neatly behind the door!
Sacristy, behold my sacristy!
This is my pride, I'll be your guide, and a lot more!
See that chair, just you sit there, and see my thurible!
Smell the grains, excuse the stains, and straighten your stole!
Sacristy, my little sacristy,
Please come inside, hasten your stride, and don't be a bore!
"Majesty!" ©1987, Songs and 1981, Rocksmith MusicWords and Music by Jack Hayford
Lesson One
Sh! = Good Morning
Shh! = It's time for the Morning Office
Sh! Sh! = Would you be so good as to pass the toast?
Mm! = The Abbot would like to see you.
Mm! Mm! = Is that a new habit you're wearing?
Shhhhhh! = Look I know you've been eyeing me up all day but I really have to go to the scriptorium!
Next Lesson: How Trappists discuss Kantian philosophy.
A meeting took place yesterday, at an undisclosed location, of senior Anglican clergymen dedicated to opposing any moves to ordain women into Holy Orders in the Church of England. Calling themselves “Militant Innocents Against the Ordination of Women” (henceforth referred to as MIAOW) they set about devising a programme intended to mobilise their grass root supporters up and down the country, and to act as a focus for ecumenical dialogue. The statement, due to appear in both next week’s Church of England Newspaper and the Sun, contains the following details of a day-conference to be held at the parish church of St. Rupert the Lesser, Pratts Bottom, Kent.
6.30 Morning Prayer.
7.00 Low Mass, followed by silent breakfast.
9.00 Discussion. “Are our members up to scratch?”
12.30 Sherry.
1.00 Lunch
1.30 Midday Venerations
2.00 More sherry.
2.30 Lecture: “Benedictions thru the ages.”
4.00 Tea and scones.
5.00 Snug Evensnog.
6.00 Slightly Higher Mass.
7.00 Gin.
7.30 Very High Mass.
8.30 Even more gin.
10.30 Complan (Surely that’s not right? Ed.)
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